I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
