her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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