AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
