Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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