omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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