Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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