A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
