How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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