this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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