: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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