If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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