Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
