Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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