i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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