So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
