i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize