I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's no shave November. This is our time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
