she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
