I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
