my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
