Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
