That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
