i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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