THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
