they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
