Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
