the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
