I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
