I can tuck mytits in my pants
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My liver just had a heart attack.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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