So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
