I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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