Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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