My sheets look like a crime scene.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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