I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
