It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
