well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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