Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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