You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
