Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
