JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize