Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
