Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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