Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
