"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
