DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Randomize