My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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