I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize