It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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