Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The adults are the big ones right?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
