you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
