I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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