God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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