i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
