Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
