You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
