he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
