mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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