The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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