Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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