put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
