I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
