if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
