Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
