she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize