I am in a vortex of obligation.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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